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About BigHead

Basic Information

Date of Birth
March 15, 1971 (47)
About BigHead
Location:
The Nation's Capital
Interests:
Strategic Planning and paying the mortgage

Signature


BigHead
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

GEORGE W.BUSH: I refuse to answer that kind of question. I will admit however that I haven't eaten chicken in the past 25 years. We've all made some culinary mistakes in our past.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
AL GORE: I personally paved that road the chicken crossed.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
JOHN MCLEAN: In 'Nam, a chicken was my only companion for five years.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
ELIZABETH DOLE: When I was head of the Red Cross I helped organize "chicken-aid" to help chickens everywhere.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
BILL BRADLEY: (boring)
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
KARL MARX: It was historical inevitability.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
FREUD: The fact that you are all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chequebook -- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
IMMANUEL KANT: The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
BOULDER POLICE DEPARTMENT: After a three year investigation, we have no evidence that there was a road much less a chicken.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
DAN QUALE: "I knew that chickene"...
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When is it OK to kiss someone?
When they're rich - Pam, age 7
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How would you make a marriage work?
Tell your wife she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck - Ricky, age 10
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How do you decide whom to marry?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming - Alan, age 10
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What do you think your mom and dad have in common?
Both don't want any more kids - Lori, age 8
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WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between them.
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CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.
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PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.
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ATTENTION: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.
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IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot Be Guaranteed.
[tagline]
Gillian Taylor: "Don't tell me. You're from outer space."
Kirk: "No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in outer space."
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986)
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On the plains of hesitation lie the blackened bones of countless millions who at the dawn of victory lay down to rest, and in resting died. - Adlai Stevenson
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Darrell Brogdon: ...the only secure computer is one unplugged from the network ... and the wall.
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Klingon Programming, Legal Stuff, Article 6: Our software does not coddle the weak!
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There is no need to be humble; you are not that good.
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King Arthur: Let's not go there; it's too silly.
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Canadians: We should have inherited the know-how of the Americans, the cooking skills of the French and the language of the British. Instead, we have the know-how of the French, the cooking skills of the British and the language of the Americans.
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I'm afraid our agreement was synallagmatic; if you don't rake the leaves, I don't give you your allowance.
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CONSULTING: If You're Not A Part Of The Solution, There's Good Money To Made In Prolonging The Problem.
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UNIX Programmer's Curse: We're forked. Forked!
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"...when you want what you've never had, you must learn to do what you've never done."
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I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, "No, actually I'm a giraffe." - Richard Gere
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The Web site you seek cannot be located, but countless more exist.
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Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
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Programme aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
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Windows NT has crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
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Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
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Your file was so big.
It might have been very useful.
But now it is gone.
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Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
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A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.
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Three things are certain:
death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
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You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
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Robert Firth: One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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"Never attribute to malevolence what is merely due to incompetence." Arthur C. Clarke, 3001: The Final Odyssey, p 187.
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The problem with the global village is all the global village idiots.
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Rob Tapert: "Women on horseback was the cheapest special effect." (Hercules and Xena)
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A beauty is a woman you notice; a charmer is one who notices you. - Adlai Stevenson
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Never interrupt a woman -- she'll just start over.
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It always works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out, it isn't the end.
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Metrics:
  • Weinberg’s Law of Metrics: “That which gets measured gets fudged.”
  • The Metric Law of 90s: “The first 90 percent of a development project takes 90 percent of the schedule. The remaining 10 percent of the project takes the other 90 percent of the schedule.”
  • The Metric Law of Least Resistance: “The more human effort required to calculate a metric, the less often (and less accurately) it will be calculated, until it is abandoned or ignored altogether.”
Bruce F. Webster
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Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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You miss 100 per cent of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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Only a white man would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket and sew it to the bottom of a blanket and have a longer blanket. - The Old Indian sounding forth upon Daylight Savings Time
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I'm so busy, I don't know if I found a rope or lost my horse!
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If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
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I have CDO. It's like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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A short attention span is
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When chemists die, they barium.
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Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
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I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
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How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
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I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
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This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
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I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
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I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
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They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
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PMS jokes aren't funny, period.
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Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
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We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola Bottling Co. I hope there's no pop quiz.
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I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
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Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
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When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
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Broken pencils are pointless.
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I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
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What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
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England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
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I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
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I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
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All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
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I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
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Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
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Velcro — what a rip off!
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Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
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A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
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“Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it.” ― Terry Pratchett
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Church Ladies with Typewriters: Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Church Ladies with Typewriters: For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Church Ladies with Typewriters: Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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Church Ladies with Typewriters: At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Church Ladies with Typewriters: The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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Church Ladies with Typewriters: Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.
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Church Ladies with Typewriters: Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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General Information
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Join Date
2000-07-07
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